Regrets: Turning Back the Hands of Time

I think I've done a fair amount in my 22 years of life. I've traveled lots, I took A Levels and went to university. I've had a job I kept for 3 & a half years and another I've had for 2. I'm pretty confident around other people and I know my own mind. I've been to a festival, I've partied until the sun came up and I've been on the edge of love. But I am far from perfect. There are things I wish I could have back and there are things I regret deeply, so today I wanted to talk to you about regrets and wanting to turn back time (I know you all want to break out into song... I did!) to have a do over.

Me at age 16

When I look back to my teenage years, I see things I am so envious of as the 22-year-old version of myself. But there are also a few things I wish I could go back and undo!

THINGS I WANT BACK FROM TEENAGE ME:

• The cheek of a teenager... I had extra sass as a teen, I was quick off the mark and always had a comeback, usually dripping with sarcasm!

• That carefree attitude. I don't mean the "I don't give a sh*t" kind of thing but more the way I did things because I could... because I was young... because it was fun. Like making pancakes with my best friend and piling ice cream, chocolate, strawberries and anything we could find. Or sitting up for hours drinking rum and talking about "deep" stuff (boys) while bouncing a tennis ball across the room! I want to die my hair without worrying about the consequences.

• Teenage Confidence. To some extent we all thought we were the best damn thing to hit this planet as a teen. I know I used to act like I was and that the trolling never got to me! When I was around other people, I was a little arrogant as a teenager, but when I got home I used to just go back to feeling below average.

Me and my Swedish friend Lilli after we dyed my hair mermaid red for the first time!

THINGS I REGRET NOT DOING (BEFORE NOW!):

• Getting a tattoo! I still haven't got one, I'm desperate but I am so worried about being adult, the consequences, the cost all of the responsibilities that go with it, that I've never done it. I look at friends now and I see how they are themselves fully. I don't feel like I've ever been truly myself because I was never allowed to express myself in that way!

• Piercings!! It took me 5 years to get my nose pierced for fear of what might happen! Would I be able to get a job, would I be mocked, would I disappoint people? None of it, none at all was for me...

 The tattoo I am going to save up for... For reals this time!

• Parties! I regret not going to a few parties... Like I said above I had confidence around people but on my own? Not so much... It took me every ounce of courage I had to go to certain social occasions and having a weekend job on both Saturday and Sunday gave me a perfect out. I wish I'd had enough courage to just go and have fun!

• College. I stayed at my secondary school to do A Levels and looking back, my god do I wish I'd gone to college. I would have been able to express myself through my clothes instead of wearing casual office wear, I could have dyed my hair and experimented with my style. I feel like I spent 3 years of my life oppressed by my own wardrobe.

• I regret not doing something more creative. This blog IS my creative outlet, but I wish I'd studied something more creative. I wish I'd done photography, something I wish I could get into more now, but struggle due to lack of equipment!

This is how I want to be seen, to express myself through clothes and fashion

Most of all I regret not seizing the opportunities that arose around me to do all these things and more. I had a chance at being with a really great guy, but I chose some douchebag instead. I went to Sixth Form over college. I chose work over parties. 

But you know what? There is nothing wrong with the way I did things, I can't change the past! So I will be embracing the things I wanted to do but was never brave enough to see them through. I will express myself in which ever way I please and I will not, I repeat, not apologise for it!! :D

THINGS I WOULD NEVER TAKE BACK:

• Holidays!!! I went to Sweden, twice, where I saw U2 in concert and did loads of fun things like a day trip to Denmark! I went to Turkey, Greece and many other countries.

• Work. My job has given me confidence, funds and experience. I met some fantastic people and in my first job had the greatest team on customer services ever! :) I miss those guys!

• A Levels. These got me to uni and although I am starting to wonder about the path I'm on, I do not regret getting into uni at all! I have met some of the most amazing people in the world there and although I am hating my year abroad, it's most certainly an experience to keep under my belt!

 Loving life back in my first year at uni!

Have you got any regrets and if you could, would you go back and change it all? Leave me a comment below, I am always interested in your thoughts and stories! :)

Cate xoxo